life in the big city

A couple days ago, I had an "interesting" day in which I saw a couple "interesting" people doing some "interesting" things.

First, I saw an old woman buying a mess of duct tape; she was wearing a tshirt that stated proudly: “Happiness is yelling BINGO!!!”

Then, something even stranger happened.

I was standing in line at the supermarket and the woman in front of me was speaking on her phone—except she didn’t have a phone. Not a regular cell phone nor a hands-free dealie. Nothing. Yet, she went on talking and listening and talking some more as if she were talking with a real person on a real phone.

“Well, that’s what I was saying.”

(pause)

“No, I don’t think he deserved that. I don’t think he deserved that at all.”

(pause)

“I disagree. No, he didn’t. Okay, you’re right.”

(pause)

“That gum is sweet. A little too sweet for me, if you know what I’m sayin’.”

(It was around here I noticed she didn't have a phone in her hand)

“Thaaaaat’s the way to do it. Yes.”

(I thought: "What the heck???!!")

“I have plenty of coins. Enough with that goop!”

(The cashier noticed the lady did not have a phone.)

“It has been hot, but I have some good jeans so it’s okay.”

(The cashier gave me a look.)

“Well, I’m not sittin’ on the toilet, if you know what I’m sayin’.”

The cashier looked at me and smiled. We were both happy for the woman talking with her imaginary friend. This is, after all, life in the big city. Ahem. Something tells me the heat and humidity have knocked a few screws loose.

The woman paid for her things and exited the store calmly, still talking with her imaginary friend.

As she left, I thought to myself: “I should totally try that some time just to see how people look at me.” If I ever do, I’ll be sure to bring one of my kids with me and dress up like this: