Thursday, January 14, 2010

mister robertson gets even again

mister robertson gets even again
a poem by troy cady

one day
when the tar was hot as hell
tot pat fell.

his lip swelled
his lungs bellowed--

and justlikethat—
he cussed, did pat.

now, normally one wouldn’t make much fuss
about a cuss,
but in this case the
cuss was too crude
for a cusser that small

his sister heard him cuss
and saw his scrape.
she aped
and said straight,
“serves you right--
what you did to me
you good-for-nothin’ ingrate.”

and ever since that day
pat has been tryin’ to
get even
with all the get-eveners
like his brother even-steven
and his sister irene.

pat has found that the whole world
is full of these get-eveners,
so he’s made himself
Emperor of Corrections for Get-Eveners.

once, larry King asked the Emperor if,
in trying to get even with get-eveners,
he wasn’t becoming one of them?

to which Emperor Corrector replied
he’s not one of ‘em, of course.
he’s trying to correct them, so how could he be one of Them?
if only he could finally get even with ‘em.
that’d put things straight-as-hate.


one day pat met someone named lucifer.
turns out, lucifer was a cousin of his--pat just didn’t know it.
(in fact, lucifer was there that day pat fell
when the tar was hot as hell.
truth is, lucifer is the one that pushed pat over in the first place,
smack on his face.
then, lucy just shuffled off to the shadowed side.
and pat was never wise.)

well, this lucifer, see, was rather
healthy—and wealthy.
he owned a television studio with lights.
he heard pat’s complaint and plight.

said he could help .

so, a deal was dealt
with lucy that day.
lucy told pat, “say:

“i’ll give you a platform to preach to the world.
here in this place a banner of correction will be unfurled.
from this space you can get even with all the get-eveners.
and, i’ll throw in wealth with fevered power to boot.”

pat was hooked but--
What was The Catch?

“you have to work for me for the rest of your life.
sign this Pact *cough* contract.”

small price to pay, thought pat.
he signed it in a snap.

so, today, pat got even with a whole country of supposed get-eveners.
i think they call them the Haitians.
lucifer held the camera while pat smiled inside.
“this’ll teach ‘em,” pat thought, defiled.

by the way, the contract between pat and lucifer
can be found in the Smithsonian,
right next to hitler’s pistol.

i had a contract that looks just like it,
but Someone Else I met tore it up, thank God.

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