had beaten us down
wearing our previous crown
There were too many one way streets
so we circled too many times
searching for home.
Why did we return?
For the wind?
Those former days
have been lying to these latter days
as if there were no ladder days—
had never been a night
with dreams in and from nowhere
about God loving cheaters.
Had I lied here before?
Did those lies move with us from Troy street
to some new ridge?
As I lie wrestling with an angel
will I fall,
may i fall?
Is this why I am afraid to make friends?
I’d rather not talk about theology,
truth be told.
I’d rather play Willy Loman
or King Lear
so I can just be myself.
Let me read City of God
as if I wrote it,
for this city shall be a windy city,
a Spirit city,
a Pentecost city.
This restless heart
shall find its rest in Thee.
This lifeless man
shall find his deathless hope
in a resurrected man named Joshua
who is more real than an invisible deity named Jesus.
His name means ‘God saves’—
ghosts do not save
but this man that wipes my tears
and lifts my head...
Let me borrow confessions
from Augustine for I already have
borrowed his words without credit.
Let me be converted again.
May there be no robes at church today.
Please no pretense.
Next year, may your church be outside.
If they are inside, let them be inside the bars
where it is noisy
and the floorboards are filthy
and footwashing is more than a quiet ritual
with presoaked towelettes
and precleaned toes.
May the songs of praise
be more than recitative
chanted by a cleric.
Let the cigarette be incense.
May the art present
be the tattoo on the arm
of my new friend
who lost his sister and best friend
when she was only eleven.
May the music come from his car
for his sub-woofer makes the ground shake—
and my heart—
as it must have that dawn you arose.
Yes, the ground should literally shake each Easter.
May it be so.
We will exult together when we remember
you walked away from the car crash that killed you
and totaled our lives.
this lifeless man shall find his deathless hope
a poem by troy cady
written on easter sunday 2011