Sunday, October 20, 2013

after conception

when i write poems
it is because the future
becomes present
and God
comes laughing
at fears rooted in the past.

death came near when i was only two
and the God of hope said and says,
“You shall live.”

the family tore apart in childhood
but God holds all things together.

yet this is my struggle now,
still nursing
pugilistic fear
expecting the sneer
of ridicule
awaiting humiliation
and the words “aha! I told you so.”

that is why i write poems—
to encode these hidden doubts
in lyric shouts.

i began again just yesterday
so these days i am somewhere between
the miracle of newborn cries
and the confidence of toddler tries.

or maybe i am still waiting to be born
on the brink of seeing the world
as it will be and
as it is.

either way, i am learning to trust
that there is no other shoe waiting to drop.
curses can only recede and fade like exploding stars.
defeat diminishes when God dances

and the time will come
when all things contract
in God’s womb
and he gathers his skiddish chickens
under his wings
and holds them in his arms
never to shudder cold and alone again.

all will be well and
all will be well and
all will be well

my story will end with beginning.
my story ends today.
thank God for infancy.


after conception
a poem by troy cady

No comments: