Saturday, August 9, 2014

what Adam advises in this situation

(also known as the BOAA or The Manly Elders).

“Men,” let’s exclude all the women.
It makes it easier to talk about the details,
the terms of dismissal.
And send those damn children away.
There’s no time to play
when paying one’s way
onto the bestseller list.
Raise more money, Men.
Man O Man, just think what we can do.

“Men,” remember: the first rule
of combat is
Face Your Accusers.
It’s frustrating, Men, when
those sissy girlies remain anonymous.
How are we supposed to defend ourselves, Men?

“Men,” never give up.
If accused, fight back.

“Men,” forget Jesus,
that Mother Hen
who gathers tenderly the little ones
under Her pinned wings.
John, send the children away, I say;
that job is for women, like Mother Mary.
We have real work to do…
filing charges, eldering,
putting people in their place
with hardened tongues and
pointed fingers.
We must be clear and forthright.
The world depends on us Men.

“Men,” forget the meek and mild Jesus.
We have a kingdom to build
and no time to spare.
We’ve allowed these women to
turn us into a bunch of namby pambies.
Jesus was no namby pamby.
He only played with children that one time.
There was that one other time, too,
but mostly he was Dynamic and Strong.
Paint him with big muscles, for Pete’s sake.
He was cool, like us.
I mean, think about it: He would have worn jeans like us.
With sandals.

His disciples were all Men, too.

No, never mind about the cross and the tomb.
It was women’s work to care for the suffering
and pay respects for the dead.
The Men needed to do more important things
like go fishing.

“Men,” forget Jesus,
forget the women and children.
Write another letter and address it like so:


And remember: that verse about children
is not relevant in this situation.
It must be used
strictly in context.
We’ll pull it out of our arsenal
when the time is right and it suits our ends.
Later this month, when we’re
doing a recruiting push for Sunday School volunteers,
we’ll fire off a bookmark campaign with
the words “unless you become like a little child”
printed on the back.
Use Comic Sans.

Stay strong, Men.

With love and the right amount of tears,


What Adam Advises In This Situation
A poem by Troy Cady
for Mark Driscoll and the Manly Elders

No comments: