“There’s something
special about a fresh start.”
A few weeks ago a friend was telling me why the new year is
one of her favorite holidays to celebrate. I had had the opportunity to serve
as her coach for the preceding four months. In the autumn, we had been meeting
regularly for her to consider questions related to her vocation. A number of
issues in her workplace concerned her in 2015 and now, at the end of the year,
she was looking forward to 2016.
The last time I remember getting very excited about
celebrating the new year was in my childhood. As a pastor I tend to put most of
my emotional energy into Christmas, leaving little left for the week after.
Last night, for example, my wife and I went to bed before midnight. Our wishes
of Happy New Year were spoken this
morning in the kitchen after a loaf of banana bread was placed in the oven to
bake.
Still, my friend’s sense of excitement over the new year is beginning
to rub off on me this morning. I feel happy. I can’t explain exactly why but
here are some random reflections that may be of interest to you.
1. Uncertainty.
That seems a strange reason to be happy. Yes, I’m uncertain about…well…the
whole year. Who knows what is to come? I’m uncertain on a number of fronts. In
the forefront of my mind right now are questions related to my work—and especially
that which I regard as my life calling.
There are so many possibilities. With possibility comes
openness and with openness comes uncertainty.
2. Trust. When
life is uncertain what can one do but trust?
I believe there is a Person who loves us all beyond measure
and telling. I believe this Person showed us his love by coming close to us in
Jesus. I believe that Jesus shatters our certainties because he wants us to practice
childlike trust.
I admit that I use the word “believe” in an aspirational
sense. Last year at this time I chose a “word for 2015.” My wife started doing
this while we lived in Spain. One year she chose the word “Freedom.” It was her
way of saying she wanted to grow in freedom and learn to practice it and extend
it to others. It made a big difference in her life, this practice of “choosing
a word.” In fact, it made such a difference in her that at one point that year
I jokingly said to her, “Heather, you’re so free it’s scaring me!”
Well, last year I knew I needed to grow in belief—specifically,
to stop doubting myself so much. The problem with doubting oneself is that if
you’ve been given certain talents but you doubt you are any good you deprive
others of the benefits your talents can offer the world. We are all invested
with certain abilities that can serve the common good. If you are plagued with
excessive self-doubt, the effect of your talents is greatly diminished.
I typically admonish others to have a healthy sense of
self-doubt (otherwise we become cocky, arrogant and proud) but if one has too much self-doubt it is not good. That
is my problem: excessive self-doubt.
So, last year I sensed the Person-Who-Loves saying to me, “Stop
doubting yourself. Believe.” That is why I chose that word and that is why I
think it will be my word again this year.
I think I need more practice at it. Yes, I believe, but I am still learning to be
God’s child, to more fully trust.
3. Risk. When
trust is strong, one can take risks, experiment, try new things.
I remember when our son took his first steps. We recorded it
on video. My wife and I were across from each other, sitting on the floor. One
of us sat in the doorway to our bedroom and the other sat a short distance away
in the doorway to our guest room.
I remember Nic looking at me as he walked towards me. I
suppose he wasn’t really thinking about walking. He just wanted to get to
Daddy.
At that time in his life, walking was risky for him. He
could fall, which was not pleasant in the least. But as he saw that he was
surrounded by people he could trust, he felt bold to take the risk.
I know that as I practice trusting, I will also need to
practice risking. In fact, without risk trust is not really trust.
So this will also be a year of trying new things, risking. But,
with risk comes the next item…
4. Swallowing pride.
Those who know me well know that I like people to think well
of me. I want them to think I’m…creative, wise and successful. I suppose most
everyone likes to have others think well of them but I do believe it can be a
hindrance to growth.
The past two years I feel I’ve been tested in this arena, especially.
As I stepped into new vocational adventures I’ve lost some friends. Some of
this loss is due to simply moving on and loss of contact—but some of it is
because a handful of people question the wisdom of my choices.
It’s humbling.
In starting something new, it’s humbling when others see
your fragile missteps. It’s humbling being dependent on the good will of
others. It’s humbling coming to grips with your own limitations.
But in that place of humility we find a source of strength. We
can see self-sufficiency for the sham that it is. We can see the wonder and
beauty of companionship on the journey, that we are not alone, that others are
right by our side…cheering you on despite your limitations. We discover that we
really do need one another and that is not a weakness—it is what makes us
strong.
In fact, I feel that if I had any success in the practice of
“believing” in 2015 it was due in large measure to the experience of “shared
belief”—that is, I saw others
believing and that gave me the courage to believe as well. Thank you, friends,
for believing with me (and for me) when I felt weak.
Because of that, not too long ago I sat down to simply
remind myself who I am, imperfections and all. I am a firm believer that,
whatever faults one carries, one should always just be one’s own self and not
try to pretend to be someone they are not.
Out of that honest inventory, I then wrote down four words
to serve as a focus, to consistently nurture these ways of “being me.” They are:
Teaming
Writing
Coaching
Creativity
I share these thoughts with you in hopes that this might
encourage you to reflect on how to practice “being yourself” this coming year—after
all, the world needs you to be you.
Peace,
Troy
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