winter solstice

Winter Solstice

reflections by Troy Cady

Winter solstice typifies for me that mixture of darkness and light we experience in the normal course of our lives. It’s hard to know how to feel on a day like today. We could think of it as just a long, long night or we could think of it as the beginning of lengthening light. The former could be cause for sadness while the latter could be cause for hope. This demonstrates to me that consolation and desolation tend to go together in some strange, mysterious way—that’s what many of the saints of old tell us, anyway.

On this winter solstice, I think back over 2018 and I feel keenly this dual sense of loss and gain. Early this year I interviewed for a job that excited me. I heard about it through a colleague who told me I was perfect for it. When I read the job description, it instantly captivated me and I could see myself in the role. I went to the final stage of the application process but, in the end, I was not offered the position. In fact, the role is still unfilled as I write this, almost a year later.

Though I trust it was a grace I did not get the job, I must confess I’ve felt a bit lost at times this year…perhaps because of the experience I had at the beginning of 2018. Many days, I’ve felt filled with more questions than answers. Questions like:

God, what should I do? Who am I? How can I offer my best self to others, to you? What am I to do with this feeling of being lost and alone?

Strangely, these unsettling thoughts turn out to be the very pathway by which I discover the source of my true rest. When I feel overwhelmed by questions like these, God reminds me that a life consists of more than questions like these.

On this longest night, there is love—and nothing can take that away. When all seems dark, there is a light of hope that can never be extinguished. Though the darkness hides me, yet I am never completely hidden. There is One who is always with us—and he is for us, not against us.

A life is more than a career; it’s even more than a so-called legacy. However the world may change, God’s quality of faithfulness endures. The shift of shadows cannot alter that. And out of the shadows he reminds me that mercy is always timely. On a day when daylight is sparing, generosity grounds us.

What I am called to do, who I am called to be is as liberating as simplicity. Whatever small thing that arises in me…small qualities of grace, small words of beauty, small acts of tenderness…that is ultimately what I want to be, what I am called to do. However dark the day may be, however confused I may be, that much is certain, that much I can see. So, let the light grow longer in me—and may the light grow longer in you.