Saturday, May 28, 2011

a few one-liners

Here are a few one-liners you can use when the moment calls for it. Which one is your favorite? Do you have any to add? Enjoy...

- I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.

- Crime doesn't pay; does that mean my job is a crime?

- Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

- I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

- I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

- Never forget that you're unique, just like everyone else.

- He's so dumb he took an IQ test and his results came back negative.

- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

- If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

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